written in 2016 and transferred here 2019
Before my first baby was born, we had a crib set up in his room, fully prepared to have him sleep there. I had heard that it’d be easier and we’d all get better sleep,
and hey, I’m all for easy and sleep.
After all, it is vital for me, with mental illness, to get adequate sleep. But everything changed the night we brought him home from the hospital. I remember laying him down in his crib, He looked so tiny in there, so vulnerable, I was suddenly worried about his body temperature, but I ignored these feelings and sat down in the recliner next to his bed… and stared at him.
After a few hours, I picked him up, laid him on my chest and slept upright in the chair. I was constantly reminding myself to be careful, remembering the words of his pediatrician when he visited in the hospital earlier that day, “make sure baby has a separate sleeping space”.
For several weeks we tried everything to make it work, my husband moved that crib so many times around our room, we tried a bouncy chair next to our bed, anything to help us all sleep. without fail, every night I would just sit and stare at my son, making sure he was breathing, worrying about his body temperature, worrying I wouldn’t wake up to feed him if he got hungry, and then eventually just putting him in our bed for the rest of the night.
I finally realized I wasn’t doing what worked for us. I was trying to please everyone else. (Like they really knew anyway, or actually cared, or it really mattered…) Finally, after encouragement from online friends who convinced me bedsharing can be safe if the right precautions are taken, we got rid of that crib we wasted money on, and slept peacefully with our son.
Nighttime feedings were so much easier! There was no more worrying! I felt safer. My son slept better! We all got sleep.
Looking back on those first 2 nights in the hospital when I couldn’t sleep, I thought it was because of extra adrenaline and excitement. I now realize it was clearly because my baby was across the room in a bassinet and I know now how unnatural that is. It’s unnatural to be separated from your baby at all in those first few months, and especially in those first hours and days after birth. our instincts will tell us that.
After my second baby was born at home, our family just went to bed together that night. We slept great. No worries, no sleepless nights. I’m so glad I was able to have that experience because of the choice I made to not be afraid of what others might think, and trust myself. I know my instincts will protect my babies from being rolled over or smothered in the blanket. There are amazing hormones and instincts (when breastfeeding) that connect us to our babies.
We can know so much about them and be so in tune with their needs, that they will be completely safe sleeping in our arms.
Mothers, since the beginning of time, have been sleeping with their babies. It works. It’s the natural way. Bedsharing allows us, as mothers, to meet our baby’s needs. From regulating baby’s body temperature, to encouraging sufficient milk supply for breastfeeding.
*if using any type of drug or alcohol, and if bottle feeding instead of breastfeeding, please take extra precautions. A family bed might not be right for your family. A separate sleeping space for baby might be a safer option for you.
So how long do we plan to let our kids sleep with us? Until it doesn’t work anymore. My son is almost 4 now and occasionally he wants to sleep in his big boy, spiderman bed that we got him a few months ago. He still wants to be close to us, and we love the cuddles. This is all part of the natural process of him finding his independence. No, I don’t believe he’ll sleep with us forever. He’s still so young and still forming a strong attachment to us. I believe bedsharing helps kids to feel secure and confident. There’s no better way to destroy a child’s trust in you, than locking them in a room by themselves to cry it out. It’s not necessary. Skip that heartache and keep them close.
Peace.
