I breastfed 2 kids at the same time- Tandem Breastfeeding Experience

If you aren’t familiar with the words tandem breastfeeding, here’s a quick definition. It’s not nursing twins. It’s nursing 2 children at the same time that aren’t the same age. Usually newborn and toddler siblings.

I’m sharing my experience just to get more info out there to other moms thinking about doing the same thing in their family. You might be expecting again and wondering when to wean, or if you should keep breastfeeding throughout pregnancy and then nurse both a newborn and your older baby.

 

 

There are many reasons to consider tandem breastfeeding and in this blogpost, I’ll share:

• Why it’s a good idea

• When it might not be a good idea,

• tips for toddler nursing boundaries

as well as

• what it was like for me to nurse throughout pregnancy

 

To start my story, let me tell you a couple key details that contributed to me deciding to tandem breastfeed my son and his sister.

My first son had a cow milk sensitivity. He got sick when I ingested cows milk and it went through my breastmilk. Read more about breastfed baby allergies here.

He was also a very sensitive, fussy baby. He wanted me and only me. He nursed to sleep for every nap and throughout the night. Looking back, he probably had more food allergies we weren’t aware of and he was just plain miserable. So he nursed a lot and honestly that’s the only way I KNEW how to parent him. It was certainly the easiest, sure way to get him to take a nap.

Another detail to keep in mind is I had endometriosis previous to his pregnancy. I had a surgery to help me get pregnant, which worked apparently, and my midwife suggested I nurse as long as possible between pregnancies to discourage more endometriosis from growing. She said the hormones produced while breastfeeding will suppress it. I have no evidence but hey, it’s working so far.

So because my son couldn’t switch to cow’s milk like most american toddlers, and I wanted to avoid endometriosis, AND he just really loved nursing, I decided to do “extended breastfeeding”. Haha, really just nurse for a long time and not wean at 1 yr old.

 

I got pregnant with baby girl when my son was 21 months old.

 

I was very sick (like all my other pregnancies) and too exhausted to even consider weaning my toddler at that point. Having said that, nursing throughout my pregnancy was difficult. I had a lot of nipple soreness and nursing aversion (didn’t want to be touched), but I pushed through because it felt like that’s what my sweet, sensitive little boy, really needed throughout that time.

at 40 weeks +6 days pregnant, I nursed my son to sleep and went into labor. (full birth video) I nursed him again the next morning and labor really took off. After she was born, I didn’t nurse my son until the next day. My milk seemed to come in WAY faster and my son really liked it. The first several weeks, I allowed him to nurse once or twice a day. After a while, he cut back to nursing every few days, which can be common for toddlers.

He was 2 1/2 when she was born, and we continued tandem breastfeeding for 1 1/2 years!

Holy CRAP. I was a different person back then. Let’s just say, if I got pregnant again while breastfeeding, I highly doubt I’d do this again, unless I HAD to.

When is it a good idea to breastfeed throughout pregnancy and tandem nurse?

My reasons were good at the time and in that season of my life. If nursing is a sure-fire way to get your toddler to take a nap so you can rest your pregnant self. Go for it.

• If you just have to. Maybe you’re expecting before baby is even 1 year old when breastmilk should be their #1 source of nutrition. (keep in mind though, milk supply can drop depending on baby’s age and point in pregnancy)

• If you WANT to. I’m here to say, there’s nothing wrong with it. In fact, it can really strengthen sibling bond and keep up your relationship with your older child during a huge transition.

When is it NOT a good idea.

• When it’s not safe for you or your pregnancy or your mental health!

It’s a lot. I’m not gonna lie. take care of yourself first, then your kids.

• Some pregnancies might just be too high risk to be messing with the oxytocin rushes of breastfeeding. It CAN cause contractions. Most pregnancies will be safe and just fine.

I mentioned boundaries. what do I mean by that?

a baby’s WANTS are their NEEDS. They cry when they need to eat, sleep, poop, cuddle. The things they WANT and ask for, are the very things that keep them alive.

now a TODDLERS WANTS are not always NEEDS anymore. There is a gradual shift that happens and we start to say no. That’s why a toddler throws fits and tests us and complains. They are learning their boundaries.

Up until this point, milk on demand was a want and a need for your baby. Now, your toddler can learn to wait, and he won’t starve. You can start putting up boundaries to keep the nursing relationship happy and healthy. Remember BOTH sides feelings, count. It’s a relationship.

For me, I started during pregnancy to put time limits on nursing sessions, as well as, the number of times he could nurse a day. In the beginning when nipple soreness was crazy or in the end when contractions took my breath away, I would agree to nurse for 10 seconds or while I sang 1 song. Then he’s done.

We also dropped feedings to just at nap time, and just at bedtime. Then eventually I took out the nap feeding and found other ways to get him to sleep like taking a walk or rocking him.

These boundaries made it possible to keep going, even when it was hard.

So that’s it. I weaned my son at 4 and then continued to just nurse my girl until she was 3. Then I got a lovely gap until my 3rd baby was born the next year.

 

Would I do it again? no. well, only if I really had to. Like if my baby wasn’t 1 yet and I was already pregnant again. Am I glad I did it? YES!

 

My kids have an amazing bond that started in those early days of sharing milk. My kids are HEALTHY and so smart. Nursing has so many benefits and however you can make it work so they get some, something, a little, a lot, anything! you are a great mom if you love your kids and want what’s best for them. I’m not a better mom because I nursed a long time. It just worked at the time. I got through it. Make the best choice you know how with the information you have.

Peace.