written in 2016 and transferred to this blog in 2019
I shared my whole mental illness story, up until I became a mother, in THIS POST, but today I want to specifically talk about how things have changed since I became a mom. I’m not a scientist so I really don’t understand how all the hormones and brain chemicals change as we age, get pregnant, give birth, recover and breastfeed, and how it can affect mental illness or moods in general.
I can tell you my experience, though. Before I had kids, there were very predictable patterns of depression followed by mania. I actually tracked it on a calendar for a while and it was helpful to see while I was in a depression, that it was going to end soon and I’d be feeling more like myself again. But since giving birth, my hormones have changed so much and things are a little more unpredictable. I still have the longer periods of either depression or mania but now there are many more mood swings that can happen in just 24 hours. It’s still manageable though, with certain steps we take.
Bipolar Disorder is scary. When I was pregnant with my first baby, I had to start thinking about the serious reality of having a person to keep alive. I couldn’t let my disorder control my life so much that I wasn’t able to care for a child. I worked hard all of those months, preparing to be the best mother I could be. I made a plan and as things have come up in the last 4 years, I have adjusted that plan.
Here is my current plan to be able to function and be a great mom even with Bipolar Disorder.
- Self Care. I have to think about myself first. Not a mother’s natural instinct but it’s vital for me! There are certain things I just have to make sure happen.
- I have to sleep enough. I make this happen by sleeping with my kids. We have a family bed and always have. We’ve never needed to miss several nights of sleep while “training” our kids. We just skip that and put them in bed with us where I believe they are safest and happiest. (I’m passionate about that topic, future blog post to come :)) I’ve rarely been sleep deprived, but when I am, such as after a long night of teething or rocking a sick baby, I make sure to get help the next day to get more sleep. My husband and I make sure we take equal turns in the night, even though our children are breastfed, so I can get the amount of sleep I need.
- Exercise. Even simple yoga moves make a difference. This is hard when I’m depressed because I feel like it couldn’t possibly help, but it does. Exercise is easy when I’m manic.
- Meditation. A recent discovery. Life changing. When I don’t have dedicated time to meditate because the kids are keeping me busy, I practice mindfulness in everything I do. Focusing completely on one task at a time, noticing how my body is feeling in each moment, and noticing when and how I breathe, can all bring myself to a place where there is no depression, there are no racing thoughts, I am just there, experiencing. Try it. I dare you.
- I need to eat well. How many moms get so busy they forget to eat or find themselves finishing up a kids leftover lunch? that’s not an option for me. I’ve found a diet that works well for my mind and body and though I sometimes indulge on what my family is eating, for the most part, we eat differently. I can’t go without meals either or I lose my mind!
- Meal planning. I can’t be the kind of person to just decide what sounds good that day and make new fun stuff for my family. I need to plan ahead, ideally a month, so if I do get depressed, I can just follow the calendar and it doesn’t take much thought.
- Live a simple life. Going along with meal planning, I try to make lots of different aspects of my life simpler so it takes less thought. When I’m depressed, I usually can’t think about more than one thing at a time. Get my kids some food, go for a walk, keep kids safe, say my prayers. Then when I’m manic, I think about way too many things and seem to think I’m able to handle everything when really I’m not…
One way I keep life simple is I have a capsule wardrobe.
It’s very simple,so I’m not stressed about picking what to wear. It takes no thought because everything I have is comfortable, fits me, and works for that season.
- I try to keep my life as stress free as possible and this means keeping from getting too busy. I say no to things. I don’t take on more than I know I can handle because in the past I have, and I fall through and let people down. I recognize my limits. My kids come first, and taking care of them daily is hard enough. They deserve my energy to be first put on them, and then everyone else. (Of course my husband is included in this but this post is just talking about the kids.)
- Ask for help. It wasn’t until after my second baby that I realized I should ask for more help. I was having a really hard time and after praying about what to do, I received a clear answer to take a class. It was an intro to Midwifery class. I absolutely loved it and needed it. I actually got a babysitter once a week for my older son and took my baby with me to class. This was something I needed to do for myself in order to be a better mom. We have goals and dreams and passions. Sometimes following them is actually good for our family.
We have a simple daily schedule that we follow that includes a bunch of things that make me feel better and help me be a better mom. You can check that out HERE.
What’s something small and simple you do in order to be a better mom? Let me know in the comments below.
Peace.
