written in 2016 and transferred here in 2019
I just came out of a 7 week depression. It’s been cool keeping track of my bipolar moods with social media. I posted a picture on instagram (follow me @joyfulmotherhoodofficial) about 6 weeks ago, saying I was feeling depressed that week. Now I’m coming out of it and it feels SO good. Not necessarily “manic good” although manic only feels good for so long anyway… but I can see a huge difference in the last few days with my mood. My energy is higher, my passions are more clear and I’m much more empathetic and loving. So what does it really feel like to be depressed? I’ll tell you how it feels for me, but keep in mind that I don’t have major depressive disorder, I have Bipolar disorder so it might look really different, I’m not sure.
When I’m depressed, my most noticeable symptom is lack of energy and motivation. Everything feels so tiring. Getting out of bed, cooking and cleaning, running errands or playing with my kids. It takes so much more effort, and usually I fail to do much of anything. In my mind, I start telling myself I’m lazy, and I probably look that way on the outside. I become really critical of myself and I lack confidence. I feel ugly and unhealthy. I’m not nice. I take out my frustration, with myself, on my husband and *sometimes even my kids. I’m quick to get angry and upset about the littlest things that wouldn’t normally bother me. I get anxious and worried about EVERYTHING. I try to change things in my life constantly to make myself feel more comfortable.
I just feel uncomfortable. It’s yucky. My heart literally hurts and I cry a lot.
So what do I do while I’m depressed? How do I get through it?
- I fake it til I make it. Smile even though I don’t want to.
- I make lists of what I’m grateful for. (showing gratitude is scientifically proven to make us happy)
- I force myself to show love to my family
- I serve people as much as I possibly can.
- I keep up with my daily routines even though it feels impossible
and
- I give myself a break. I rest my body. I rest my mind. I get extra help with my kids. I take hot baths, I go to the store by myself. I eat a whole cake by myself. (still working on overcoming that)
-
I tell myself “Your doing better than you think you are.”
I believe we are surrounded by angels everyday, both spirits and the people around us. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had a friend randomly stop by when I’m having the worst day to just give me a gift, or talk with me for a minute. I put on a smile, and then cry in my room, thanking Heavenly Father for sending them. I have felt angels surround me as I lay in my bed crying in complete despair. I am not left alone in this trial. I am learning everyday from it. It helps me remember to turn to my Savior, be humble, and be grateful.
If you’re experiencing depression, I’m sorry. It’s awful. You’re not alone, and there is hope.
Peace.
